Message to Fathers and Future Fathers.

Happy Father's Day. Enjoy the day with family and relax, but take some time to think, really think, about what today is and what it's for. It's not just a day for your kids to make things for you or take you out to dinner or buy you something nice. Those things are great, but if you understand what today is, then you understand that today isn't just your day. It's a day where you remember and reaffirm your role and responsibility to your family

Remember your role as the head of the house and family. For those who do not read this with an adult level of understanding, I will be nice and caveat this statement: Being the head of the house and family does not mean you get to swagger around and boss around your wife and kids, it doesn't mean all decisions are made by you, it doesn't mean your family is there to serve you (Your role as a leader demands that it is YOU who serves) it doesn't even mean  that your name is on every title of every car or loan or credit card. It means that when hardship comes, when help is needed, when strength (moral, personal, cultural, physical) is needed, you are available and able. When a hard decision is required, you take that burden from your family and make it your burden. You will not always be right, but you must have the courage and ability to shoulder that. Your house and family are a ship, and while you will not always dictate how much sail to use, or how fast to go, or how to run the deck, you are the one at the wheel steering in a morally sound direction. Do not be that dad you see in the commercials or in the TV shows, that inept, childish, immature oaf with the stupid looking grin on his face when his wife catches him acting like a toddler or says to the kids "Daddy did a lot of stupid things before he met Mommy".

Remember your role as the defender. The world is not safe at all times. No matter where you live or how you're set up up, you and your family are not always going to be safe from harm or coercion. You don't have to be the strongest or fastest or be a black belt in any martial art. However, you SHOULD have the knowledge and ability to stand courageously between your family and whatever or whomever means to do them harm, whether that harm is in the form of a burglar breaking in, a mugger pulling a knife, a drunk grabbing your wife's butt or a slick salesman trying to rip off your 16 year old at the dealership. In those situations, you must have a resolute mindset and have conviction in your purpose. Getting punched doesn't really hurt that bad, and a man is nothing to be afraid of. A father protecting his family is a different animal. If you lack something in this regard, send me a PM, and I'll help you out. And yes, I will be nice. I will actually help you. And no, I will not try to make you carry a weapon. Again, this is not about martial arts or guns (I do love my guns). It's about a resolute mindset and the courage that comes with full conviction.

Remember your role as the provider. I know that in 2017, not every household pays it's bills and buys the food with the paycheck of the man. I get that, and that's fine. If your wife is a full-time pharmacist and you are a part-time mechanic, I understand there is going to be a difference in dollars. If your wife has a master's in engineering at MIT and you've got a bachelor's from the school of hard knocks, the mortgage might come out of a check with her name on it. I get it, but the role of provider does not always require a paycheck. The role of provider can include that, but it also includes the ability to steer your family out of hardship when a paycheck (regardless of who makes it) isn't quite enough. It includes the ability to obtain whatever resources your family requires for basic survival, or PRODUCE those resources otherwise. This includes shelter, water, food and security at the most basic level. Those things might require a paycheck, but they also require more than that. Also, when your wife does the thing that wives do, which is to get pregnant, the man needs to become even more of a provider. Regardless of the "advancement" of society, the man must always maintain his ability to provide. The woman should not always have to maintain that ability to provide forever. Women have other natural roles, and I really don't give a damn if anyone thinks that is sexist.

Remember your role as the loving father. Make time to spend with family. Your kids are only little once. Sometimes you'll have to be stern, sometimes you'll have to be hard and cold and logical, sometimes you'll have to be the disciplinarian or authoritative presence, but no one in your family should ever have an ounce of doubt that you love them. You will not be perfect, but perfection is not required. I most certainly am NOT speaking from a pedestal of perfection. I am certainly not pontificating from a position of moral authority. I, like you all, have and will make mistakes. Perfection is not required. Love is what is required. The outside of you might sometimes need to be hard, but the inside softness must be shown on the outside sometimes. And your family must know that the hard exterior (In times of protection from harm, or discipline for kids, or hard decision-making) is a product of a soft, loving interior. When we go to a hard job as an insulator in a power plant or running heavy machines at a newspaper company, when we go to war in a far away land or walk a cop's beat in the ghetto, we maintain that hard exterior with a soft interior of love for our families.

A father's roles are numerous and I can't possibly cover them all, but these are a start. The importance of a man fulfilling his roles appropriately in the home is constantly demeaned and diminished in today's society. I have my thoughts on why this is happening but I'm not going to get into that right now. Resist this. We are seeing the terrible effects of fatherless homes on our society and culture everyday. Whether you grew up with a father fulfilling his roles or not, it is imperitive that you, as a father or future father, learn your roles and how to fulfill them, and that you do so when the time comes.

Happy Father's Day. It's called Father's Day, but it's not just about you (us). Remember your roles today.